you

at first there was a distance,
day by day,
one step closer...
closer and closer,
until i saw all of you,
i liked what i saw.

at first there was an awkwardness,
day by day,
a little more comfort...
less and less,
until we could laugh,
i liked how it felt.

at first there were secrets,
day by day,
we shared pieces of ourselves...
more and more,
until we could cry,
i liked being whole.

at first there was perfecion,
day by day,
growing stronger between us...
peaceful and calm,
we knew each other,
i liked being complete.

at first there was nothing,
day by day,
the nothing grew larger...
eating it's way inside,
we stopped learning,
we stopped exploring,
we stopped feeling,
until i was standing alone,
i did not like the emptiness.

i saw you in the distance.... walking away.

jingle less

the bells are jingling,
the santas are hoing,
the kids are laughing,
the world is buzzing...

but here in my heart,
there's a sadness,
the sadness of a child,
crying inside,
hoping for excitement,
wishing for the lights,
to shine so brightly,
to be happy

i know you're out there..

i see you...
so not perfect.
your hair,
unbrushed, ruffled by the wind.
your eyes,
just a normal brown, deep into your soul.
your nose,
a little to large for your face.
your smile,
so alive, with life.
your shoulders,
not huge, but big enough to support me.
your hands,
rough and hard, so gentle when you touch.
your chest,
no large pecs, just a heart that beats.
your stomach,
smooth and soft.
your legs,
ready to walk through all our trials...

so not perfect, but perfect for me.

why?

i'm so unsure,
all these questions.

why are we here?
how did we get here?
where is god?
how much can the human mind grasp?
when is a woman labeled a slut?

i don't know anymore, the closer i seem to get to finding the answers, the more intense the questions become. can we not find the answers in the simple things in life? the beauty of flowers, the joy of children's laughter, the happiness of lasagne in the oven.

does this confusion and simple way of thinking make me shallow or narrow minded?
to me the basis of life is love, anything can be achieved with love, anything can be overcome, with love. i protect those i love, i forgive those i love, i care for those i love, but most of all my ability to love myself has taught me to love others..

what now

and here i sit...

a blank compuer screen, screaming for the words of my soul. trying so desperatly to reach into my being and rip the words i fear to share. i stare it down, that white void of screen, i scream back NO! right now, i'm not sharing. the confusion of life is struggling inside...

tomorrow..

colour my love...

you ask, what's the colour of love?

a bunch of flowers,
green for the grass,
that our naked bodies lay on.
blue for the sky,
we looked up at as the sun rose.
yellow for the sun,
we watched all day as we lay there.
purple for the passion,
we shared that day.
orange for the setting sun,
as it all ended.
red for the pain,
when it was finally over..

what colour were you that day?

too young too old

here i stand,
your beating heart,
in my hand.

full of innocence,
so young,
so touchable.

i can destroy,
i can break you,
it's so easy.

just a hug,
your heart beats,
a little slower.

my hands so powerful,
hug you tighter,
hug you harder...

your heart will stop.

i cup your heart,
gently in both hands,
and hand it back to you.

i walk away,
your heart beating,
in your chest...